Talking To Your ExGirlfriend

What Should I Say To My Ex Girlfriend?

Choosing words and actions that will make her want you back

So you and your ex have been broken up, but you suddenly have the opportunity to talk to her again. Either you ran into each other, you called her, or better yet, your ex broke down and called you.

Great... but now what do you say?

Talking to your ex is an important part of getting her back, so you'll need to choose every word carefully. But even more important than what you say to your exgirlfriend is what you do around her, and what kind of vibes you put forth after the breakup.

Upset? Depressed? Dying to talk to her? These are bad mindsets to be in, especially when it comes to making post-breakup contact. Women can smell a desperate guy from miles away, and if you're not 100% confident in your approach she's going to mentally call you out on it.

Remember, women don't want a desperate guy. Your girlfriend doesn't want to hear about how much you've missed her, or how miserable you've been since she's gone. Your ex isn't going to go "awwww... that's so cute!" over your semi-pathetic display of loneliness and reflection.

Instead, she's going to be completely turned off by how needy you've suddenly become, and totally grossed out by your dependence upon her.

Your ex girlfriend doesn't want a pet project. She doesn't want a guy who needs her... she wants a guy SHE NEEDS TO HAVE. This is the single most misunderstood aspect of the female psyche, perpetuated by today's continued attempts at feminizing the male gender.

Girls love strength. They want big arms wrapped around them, shielding them from harm. Every girl you've ever dated has wanted the same exact thing: an emotionally tough guy who will protect them.

Attract Your Ex Girlfriend
Make Her Want You Back


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Strength. Confidence. Control. You need to offer her these types of things if you ever want to get your ex back.

Check here for a more comprehensive list of post-breakup traits, attributes, and mannerisms your ex girlfriend is looking for from you. This is highly interesting stuff, because it's told from a woman's point of view.

Knowing the best ways to talk to your ex girlfriend

So what do you say to your ex girlfriend? Practically nothing. You might tell her it's good to see her again, but that's as far as you should go, at least for now. Don't give away your entire hand when you only have to show one of the playing cards, and for God's sake don't break out the waterworks in trying to demonstrate how much you still love her.

Telling your girlfriend how much you've "thought about her" is another bad call. You want her to think about you. For this to happen, it should be almost as if you haven't been thinking of her at all. You want your ex to believe your post-breakup life has been a month-long to the amusement park, and that you haven't even had time to think about the breakup.

Smile. Be happy. Look good, feel great, and exude tons and tons of confidence. These are the things that will make her want you back, not those other traits you've been thinking of showing her.

The logic is simple: Portray a good time, and your ex will want to be a part of that good time. Portray a sad, miserable, waiting-by-the-phone existence, and your girlfriend will run as fast as she can in the opposite direction.

Talking to Your Ex Without Revealing Your Hand

Too much of good is no good. This is especially true when speaking to an ex girlfriend you're trying to go out with again.

To effectively get back in her head, you need to take yourself away... not show her as much of yourself as possible. The less information you give your ex girlfriend the more curious she will be, and the more she'll need to keep on hearing from you in the near future.

Most guys botch this concept pretty badly, because the first time they see or talk to their ex girlfriend they start babbling about e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. It's almost like they're trapped in a confessional and suddenly feel the need to spill out every last detail of everything they've done since the breakup.

For starters, your ex doesn't need to be bored out of her skull. Talk too much, and you're going to lose her attention very quickly.

At the same time however, your ex girlfriend is looking for certain information. Most pointedly, she wants to know that you're still single. She'd rather you weren't dating anyone, even though she broke up with you.

Making Contact With Your Ex Girlfriend
Don't overwhelm your ex with too
much informaton during first contact

Is this a sign that your ex wants to get back together? No. But she certainly doesn't want to think you had such an easy time replacing her with some other girl. Learning that you're still single will ease her mind and strengthen her ego - both of which you don't want to happen.

So whether you're really dating someone new or not? Don't talk about your love life. Be intentionally vague with this topic, unless your ex actually asks you a direct question about you seeing other people.

And even if she does? Shrug, and tell her you're not seeing "anyone special". It's not the truth and it's not a lie, but it will get your ex's mental juices flowing again. She'll instantly start to picture you out with someone else, and believe it or not this will raise your value in your ex girlfriend's eyes.

Things To Say While Talking To Your Ex

In speaking to your ex girlfriend, you need to be in the right state of mind. You need to be in a great mood, put forth positive vibes, and make everything about your life seem like unicorns and rainbows.

You're doing awesome lately. Your job rocks. Your life rocks. You've gone fantastic places and done amazing stuff with family and friends. Hearing these things will set your ex back on her heels right away, because inwardly she's hoping you've been miserable since the breakup.

Attitude is everything. Learn these traits and mannerisms to maximize the impact you make when speaking to your ex for the first time since she dumped you.

More specifically, here's how you should be communicating with your ex:

Hype yourself up - The more fun you're having, the more your ex will be jealous of that fun. Be absolutely pumped about how things have been going for you lately, and try to be genuine and not fake about it.

Smile and be happy - Your ex doesn't expect to see you happy right now, which is why you really need to be. The wider your grin, the more uncertain you'll make her about the decision to break up with you.

Tell her it's good to see her again - Remember, you want your girlfriend back. There's nothing wrong with telling your ex how great it is to see her again, as long as you're not telling her you miss or still love her.

And here's a list of things NOT TO SAY when speaking to your ex girlfriend:

Don't be mopey - Acting depressed, forlorn, or upset will only strengthen your ex girlfriend's resolve. It improves her position and makes her feel as if ditching you was a good move on her part.

Don't talk about the break - Saying anything about your breakup is strictly taboo. Now is not the time to talk about the problems you had within your relationship, so bite your tongue and forget it.

Don't apologize - There's nothing you can say in the way of an apology that will make your ex want you back right now. Even if you did something to cause the breakup (i.e. cheating), now is not the time to apologize.

Other things you should be saying to your ex girlfriend

For a much more specific list of things you can say to get your ex girlfriend back, check out the amazing video resources at The Magic of Making Up.

T.W. Jackson's indestructible guide to rebuilding your broken relationship includes TONS of tips, tricks, and direct phraseology you can use to not only win your girlfriend back, but actually turn her thought process around so that SHE becomes the one who chases YOU.

You can check out his videos on best opening moves as well as his now famous calm mind technique (located lower down near the bottom middle of the page) in order to get a better idea of what to do and say first.

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