When To Call Your Ex Girlfriend

How Long Should I Wait To Call My Ex?

Nailing that post-breakup timing is crucial to getting results

One of the biggest mistakes you'll make after a breakup is jumping the gun.

You'll want to call your ex, contact her, and do everything possible to bring her back into your world. And unfortunately for you, you'll also be driven to do these things as soon as possible.

Yet for the best results? You'll need just one thing: restraint.

Restraint, restraint, restraint. I cannot stress that enough. You need to stop whatever you're doing (or have tried to do) and start restraining yourself from making blind, overreaching attempts at getting your girlfriend back.

The initial few days and weeks after your breakup are critical. This is where your ex gets to see how you handle yourself, and the breakup, under the worst possible circumstances.

Rise above it? You'll earn her respect. Sink down to all new lows? Your girlfriend will be disappointed by your desperation, and will start seeing you in ways that forbid her from ever dating you again.

So... when you should call your ex girlfriend? How long after the breakup should you wait? These are good questions with complicated answers. In order to know exactly when the time is right to get back in touch with her, you'll first need to know how your ex sees and feels toward you.

Putting Yourself In Position To Make First Contact

Before you even think about reconnecting with your ex girlfriend, you'll need to be in the right place. If you want the contact to go great instead of awful, you'll need to act while you're at an advantage.

Gaining Control of Your Breakup
You cannot take action while
your ex still has control

When she first broke up with you? Your girlfriend immediately put you in a position of very little power. Whatever balance existed within your relationship while you were dating got immediately skewed in her favor the minute your ex rejected you.

The hard part is that most guys don't always realize this. They think they still have control, and can still talk to their girlfriend as if they were calling some of the shots.

But in reality? She's calling the shots.

Your girlfriend is holding all the most powerful cards, and you can't hope to beat her with the hand you have.

To get her back, you'll need a whole different hand. You'll need to shuffle, redeal, and maybe even set the deck.

You can't move forward until something changes. The way things are right now, it's important that you put together a much stronger hand from which to make a play. If you keep trying to get your ex back without actually changing anything, you're going to fail over and over again... putting yourself further and further from fixing your breakup.

Making Changes That Will Attract Your Ex Back To You

Of all traits she's looking for after the breakup, the most important one you need to have is toughness. Your girlfriend never wanted to date a weak-willed man, and she's doesn't want one now.

Independence. Resilience. These are the things your ex is looking for. She wants to see how you handle adversity, and how you deal with the stress of suddenly being alone.

So is she testing you? Is your breakup nothing but a big test for you to pass? Of course not. But if you want your girlfriend to actually need you back in her life, you'll have to offer her the best possible guy you can be. Getting dumped and then landing right on your feet is something your ex can respect, and that respect can ultimately help you win her back.

Making your ex want you again is all about re-establishing value in her eyes. When your ex sees you as someone or something to be desired, she'll start reconsidering the breakup.

But if she sees you panicking, chasing her, or making desperation moves to get her back? You quickly lose value. You become a throwaway boyfriend - a mistake - someone she should've never dated in the first place, because you weren't the guy she thought you were.

Making Ex Girlfriend Need You Back
Ironically, your girlfriend won't
want you back until she can't have you

Another thing keeping you from your ex girlfriend right now is that she knows she can easily get you. The more available something is, the less we want it. That's simple human nature, and it applies to your breakup right from the start.

What's worse is that most guys make themselves even more available as the breakup goes on. They're willing to do anything and everything if they think it will help them get back together.

This further reduces the amount of respect and value in their exgirlfriends' eyes, and worst of all they don't even know it. It's the exact opposite of what these guys should be doing, and it's causing their girlfriends to rapidly lose interest.

Now if you've already done some of these things, you've already lost a portion of your ex girlfriend's respect. To get it back, you'll need to act fast. You need to change the way she thinks you're handling the breakup, which means you have to reverse her current opinion of things.

The best way to do this is by manipulating certain emotional triggers isolated exclusively to the female mindset. Make sure you know what these triggers are, because when used properly they can quickly change the whole way your girlfriend looks at you.

Knowing When It's Okay To Call Her

Choosing the right time to re-open the lines of communication

So, you've accepted and agreed with the breakup. You've broken contact. You've laid low, and you've made positive changes to your overall outlook. You've even changed the way your ex sees you, and worked to regain her respect.

NOW... when should you call your ex after the breakup?

Although every situation is different, the most agreed-upon time frame seems to be about 4 to 5 weeks.

This figure needs to be applied to the last time you talked to or communicated with your ex girlfriend. So if you harassed her with 2 weeks of begging, pleading, and arguing following the breakup, the 4 to 5 week figure needs to be tacked on to the end of that.

First Call To Ex Girlfriend
Your first call needs to be made when your
ex is most receptive to hearing from you

Right after the breakup, your girlfriend will be suspicious of any call or communication you try to initiate. This is why steering clear of contact is so important

But after a month of not hearing from you at all? Your girlfriend won't be so quick to judge. When she sees your phone number appear on her caller ID, she won't really be sure of your motives.

After all, you disappeared for quite some time. You could be calling with something important, and your ex will be curious to know what that is.

On top of everything, she'll be thinking you actually could've moved on. Maybe you even started dating some other girl. Your ex will want to know where you stand in that regard, even if she's not yet ready to take you back.

Before calling your ex for the first time after the break, make sure you know what you're doing. Make sure you know what you're going to say, how you're going to say it, and exactly what your exit strategy for getting off the phone will be.

Also know the purpose of your phone call. For example, you can't just tell her you're calling because you miss her. You need to have a legitimate reason for getting back in touch, and that reason needs to jive with your overall agenda for getting her back.

And an even better plan? Learning exact callback methods that are designed to get your ex to call YOU.

Receiving a phone call from your ex girlfriend is infinitely better than having to make that call yourself. It puts you in a higher position of control, and it's also a sure sign that your ex misses you and is thinking about you enough to make such a call.

Remember: CONTROL. When it comes to winning your girlfriend back, you always want to act from a position of control.

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